When You Live Life Between a Pair of Headphones
Is there such a thing as too much music?
You wanna know how many songs I have on my phone today: 1,375.
To some, that number may seem incomprehensible, while to others, it feels like nothing more than the tip of an iceberg.
For me, it feels like a wall.
A wall I haven’t been able to transcend ever since I started my ongoing playlist.
What’s even more crazy is that I can still remember when I only had a single song downloaded three phones ago on said playlist.
The endless nights I spent listening and daydreaming.
Engulfing myself in the beautifully enriched melodies and pads while struggling to memorize those lushish lyrics I couldn’t take off repeat.
In a way, I’m happy for the amount of sick days, heartbreaks, and sad ventures my music has pushed me through.
However, I can’t ignore the glaring issue I’ve enraptured myself with due to my unrelenting hunger for more.
Feeling Lost
Have you ever heard the saying, “Those with their head stuck in the clouds will get lost in them?” Well, I feel like this phrase fits me perfectly.
After spending so many years using my playlist to escape pain, I’ve built a lens through which I see life.
I almost feel as though I’m looking at my everyday struggles through the view of whatever music I listen to.
That doesn’t sound too bad on its own, but when you’ve spent so many years falling back on this crutch, relying on its soothing texture to convey your inner meaning.
You start to struggle to build that meaning for yourself.
Due to this inner turmoil, I struggle to express my emotions, hate confronting them, and when I finally do, I get lost without meaning. It makes me only want to face any issues if I have a song to help with the fallout.
Now, the thing that I hate most is dependency, that feeling of needing something for comfort.
So, what am I gonna do about it?
Well, as of writing this, I’m not currently sure.
I’ve considered lowering my listening, cutting some songs from my playlist (which, I’m not gonna lie, scares the shit out of me), and simply writing in a journal.
No matter the route you take, I encourage those who run to their playlist whenever in a situation to try taking off their headphones. Face those problems head-on and see what comes from it.
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